PETEYPANDA

Apr. 30th, 2012

11:43 PM

Lately i've been good. But there are those moments where i let myself space out too much. It's good and bad; good being that I'm relaxed and feeling blank but bad cause I let myself start to think of things to deeply and in too much detail.

Link

Apr. 16th, 2012

2:18 AM

ive just got sadness written all over my face. my eyes point out the particulars of myself i dont like noticing. im not a good person, im far from being the good person i want to be. i open my mouth only to abuse and complain, never to talk about the appreciation that ive surrounded myself with. in the last 40 minutes i thought about so much that it just tore me apart. i just got to not saying anything at all. just be quiet. everything about me makes sense for all the wrong reasons. do i like big space cause i like the thought of space for gather people for warmth? or do i like the empty space because it reflects me as a whole . . . alone, empty and cold. sigh

Link

Mar. 31st, 2012

9:49 AM

1. I got to grow up and get over it
2. I don't like the feeling of excitement, got to stop letting me self feel excited
3. Close up cause opening up never made a difference
4. Stop forcing things, if it happens i will happen . . . and if it doesn't then it doesn't

Link

gracious goes the ghost of you.

Mar. 12th, 2012 at 11:28 PM

ill grow weary from the same shit that haunts my youth. i wont be happy because i dont know how to be happy. one day everyone will end up in a 6x4 2 metres below, so it wouldn't make a difference. now, later . . . everything eventually ends. im bounded by sleepless nights of deep thought that stabs my heart, it aches and aches and there is not much i can do about it. id give anything just to jump ship right now. dont know how to deal with it. never did, never will. sigh.

Link

Mar. 10th, 2012

10:52 PM

still alone in this world. still empty. nothings changed.

Link

episode 6

Mar. 4th, 2012 at 10:52 PM

because you're in mind and because you're in my heart. A part of me would give anything for you to disappear, just be fucking gone. But its a tiny part. But the rest of me would take even this shit feeling right now over any feeling about any other girl because compared to this i haven't felt a fucking single thing in my life.

Link

Feb. 29th, 2012

2:41 AM

every fucking night, i can't sleep. i feel like im being torn apart inside. its an uneasy feeling that leaves me empty and aching wanting to fill this void with something else . . . but what? what the fuck do i fill it with? i need something more, something to make everything worth while again. i need it so bad. its going to consume me. im taking deep breaths, trying to slow my heart beat down . . . everything is going at a thousand miles an hour. everything's about to shit the fan and i can't do anything about it. is this what you call an anxiety attack? i dont know. i drink some water and splash some on my face to cool myself down and it works. things are slowing down. i can start to think straight again. focus. focus. focus. i sigh in relief. now i just want to fall asleep. gain some strength, only to do it all again tomorrow. wake up, survive and sleep. these are the only three steps that ever reoccur in my head. i lie down and think about everything. i think about all the things that will happen and i cry myself to sleep cause i know there is nothing that i can do to stop it.

sigh, i am so fucked in so many ways.